Rediesel Recipe[]
Part-time traveler and full-time foodie, the Iron Chef of the Rediesel Desert, and connoisseur of Eclipsite meat—that's me in a nutshell! If you find yourself lost in the desert, you're either really brave or really stupid, but don't worry, cause as long as you have Uncle Johnny's recipe book on you, your last meal won't be spent eating sand! That stuff's hard to get out of your system, you know? Hahaha! You silly bird!
Introduction[]
If you've come to the Rediesel Desert, you gotta eat something you won't find anywhere else! If you're looking for highfalutin snob cuisine, do yourself a favor and go back the way you came. Here in our scenic Rediesel Desert, expect to treat yourself to sandworm jerky, deep-fried crickets, steamed camel, and Rediesel cactus!
Volume I: Rediesel Delicacies[]
Alright kids, today we're learning how to prep sandworms for cooking, since you can find the little buggers all over the Rediesel Desert. Don't think it'll be easy, just because they're easy to come by, though! First off, you need the right-sized worms—20 cm is the magic number! Any smaller, and you gotta toss 'em back and let 'em feed on more sand to fatten 'em up. Now then, to dress a sandworm, you hold it firmly by the middle, grab the head, and pull it off along with its silt sac. No need for knives or scissors! Afterward, grab a stick (or use your finger), and jam it into the hole where the head used to be. The silt hidden inside will be squeezed out (skip this step if you want the REAL sandworm experience!).
That's all there is to prepping sandworms (or any dried sandworms), simple as that! If you're really hungry, you can just roast it as it is, but please try to find a stick instead of using your finger. Oh, the number of letters I've gotten saying things like "Uncle Johnny, I followed your instructions but accidentally roasted my finger, too! What should I do?!" Well, meat is meat, isn't it? Your finger's already cooked, you knucklehead. May as well make the best of it!
Now, if you're lucky enough to own a pot, not only are you more fortunate than 90% of the residents in the Rediesel Desert, you're likely a decent foodie too! Heat up some oil in that bad boy, throw your cleaned sandworms in it, and fry it with some salt until they turn yellow and give off their distinct fragrance. Toss in some smoked chili peppers, a handful of deep-fried crickets, a tablespoon of chili sauce, a quarter spoon of garlic powder and oregano, and five spoons of sour cream, IN THAT ORDER! Afterward, add water and let them boil for about 20 minutes. Serve them hot, and top with some scallions and parsley, and BOOM! Uncle Johnny's Quick'n'Easy Sandworm Soup! If you're missing any ingredients, don't worry about it! Add whatever you have on hand, and make it work!
Next time, Uncle Johnny's gonna teach you how to steam an ENTIRE CAMEL! Just remember to have a steamer big enough to fit a camel on standby. Don't know where to find one? There are plenty of lunatics running around in the desert who steam people for dinner, so try asking them!